Customer Service

This is an ode
to every employee
of the customer service industry
who was gee-golly just so pleased
to serve me whichever
soul-numbing amenity
my wallet could afford,
and an ode more importantly
to every single employee
who readily, however hesitantly,
has sold the majority of their waking
life to work for a man
they'll never meet.

This is a song
dedicated to every one
of those workers who sought
to convey to me
just how much
they would rather be doing
anything other than listening
to my hare-brained opinion
on either how to do their job
or why their job matters
or how better to cater
to my happiness.

This is an update to management
that lets them know
that however high they happen to think
that they sit on their horses
above all the rest:
Not even you can make everyone happy.
No, sir, not even when you deign
to come down to reprimand your worker
in front of the unhappy customer.
Not even when you choose
to react in a way that uses
nothing you have ever learned
in conflict management classes, no, Sir.

This is a tribute
to each employee who ever refused
to bite their tongue in the face
of the rude, even though they knew
their manager would be asked for.

"Can I speak to your manager?"
"Who is your boss?"
"I'm gonna write a letter!"
"Let me talk to your supervisor!"

Those are the magic spells of today,
and the wizards who populate the public
know that all they have to do is say
that they just don't feel
that quite enough sunshine
has been blown up their holy ass
today, and like flipping a switch,

a manager will manifest
and stomp his big important feet,
pulling the reigns in on his fleet
and showing his big, red, hairy butt
because, "What?! My employee said what?
Are you saying that he was Human?"

Who here is ready for a revolution?
Managers, the next time a customer
threatens to spend their money
at some other establishment,
what would happen if you said,

"Well, we'll be sorry to see you go,
but we believe in our employees,
we believe in respecting others,
and we believe that everyone will be
much happier if you do decide to go."

So, Thank You, all employees out there.
You deserve to be treated better,
and the next time the public
threatens to write a letter,
let it only light a fire
that warms you the way you deserve
because this public, here,
is not an easy one to serve.